Layne's · Journal

Chocolate Silk.

I had a bad dream last night.
It felt so real..
Hopefully IT is not like that.
I felt so stupid.

I never stop thinking about things in life, and how things are.
There are so many questions that can never be answered.
And never will be.

Everyone here on earth is just living a life. no one ever knows whats going to happen. ever. one day can change your life forever. and i always wonder, what if i did this one little thing differently? would everything be different now? and it probably would be different. and i hate not knowing what it would have been like. but then again everything happens for a reason right? so maybe something different never could happen. life is just so confusing.. we live this long (or short) life, and all these little things happen, but they could be big things, and that is what makes your life yours. and you can never take back things you do. things will always happen along the way, and even if something terrible happens, chances are.. you work through it. you always do. and if you dont, its your choice, and you live with it. something so simple can be such a huge deal to anyone, whether its good or bad. but just one thing can stick in your mind forever. you think about all the little "things" we all have in our minds, and they are the things that we remember in our memories. and these things are all things in the life you live. its something you have to remember even if you dont want to think about it. its always there in your memory. and you live with it forever. you cant just erase your memory. sure maybe in this crazy future we have, some day there will probably be a machine to erase memories. but i guess thats also called a head injury. and when it all comes down to it, we die. i hate to bring it up, but we do. and you never know when. everyone is just living this crazy life, going to school, getting jobs, going to college, paying bills, stressing about social life issues, world issues, etc... and for what?? if you think about it, the only way you will "succeed" in your own life is if you have goals. because if you never have goals, and you are just living a crazy life trying to get by, and trying to live, you will just do it all for no reason. everyone should have a reason or a goal to why they want to live. so you really should live everyday like its your last.

i had no piont to this.
just things i think about...

I want to throw up.

For lots of reasons.

I love catching up on old friendships.
I love becoming friends again.
I love making new friends.
I love staying friends.

I have things to look forward too.
Oh I cant wait.

The plan BETTER follow through!
Seriously.

EDIT: I just got my grades today, and I can finaly get my license now!
One A, one P, and the rest B's! That is the best I've ever gotten.
I'm so excited.

This was a good weekend.
I'm super tired.

And my body is really sore.
Only ONE game left!
yes.
Kalyn.... Take a day off. PLEASE!

I'm not looking forward to school this week.
The only thing I am looking forward to is getting our grades in the mail. So I can get my fucking license. I need it so bad. So bad.

One week of school then another 4 day weekend?
Thanksgiving I believe.

I cant wait till Christmas break.
It better be as good as last years.

On a more depressing note...

MAYBE if I did it too,
we would be better friends.

And maybe you would want to call me on the weekends.

Why do things have to be that way?

I dont even know.

Why is the thirsty mood guy crying?

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
(1953 - 2005)
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house...the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged;
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash,
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Tight. Just tight.

 

( Random.. )

Today was a good.

Spent the day with my love.
We watched the end of Saw.
We chilled.
We had an I Podie!!!
Had some STEW.
Then went to see Jarhead. (good movie)

Now I am tired as hell,
I'm ready for bed.

Now I will wake up and face school,
but only for THREE days.
Oh hell yeah.

Sucks for all you WORKERS out there.
Baker on THURSDAY??!

Goodnight everyone.

I feel overwhelmed with homework tonight, or is it today? whatever it is, i have alot of homework. i dont know if i let it build up like this, or if suddenly tonight i have alot. i think its both. im skipping soccer tonight so i can do it all. mom doesnt know that yet. im trying the hardest i ever have in school this year. im to the point where im dissapionted with C's, or even a B-... WTF? hahhah that just does not seem like me. i'm the one with D's and its ok. well i guess not.

saturday im getting my hair trimmed, and colored, just like i do every fall. it will just be a little darker... so thats cool i guess. last time it was WAY to dark. it was almost black in my eyes. some people told me they liked it. but i didnt like it, and thats all i care about..

then saturday night i have a soccer game, i believe its at 7:30. thats not too bad because i FINALY FINALLLLLY dont have a game sunday morning! hell yeah. i get to sleep in.

things are just so different this year, compared to last. some bad, some not so good. mostly good. but some bad.

screw my neck and head that never stop hurting.

things are just so easy to predict...
you. you will never change, i dont know what it is.. or if you think its ok, but i just know, you will never change. i wish.

you. it will last longer than i can imagine. i know.

this is the time i eat to much candy. so much for the "a better you" project. hahahah.... that reminds me, thats due tomorrow. fuck. hahah

i just got a call from the "phone tree"

didnt see that coming.

i wrote alot.
have a good day. or night?

why is my lazy mood guy under a palm tree? to me that should symbolize that you are relaxed. lazy should be on a couch.

happy halloweeeen!!!!!!!!! I'm likin LiveJournals spooky designs. Ps. I miss JOPPLM!!!! ^^^ You know it ^^^ (I'm listenin to it) Good ol days!

 

( You must read this. )

Is it a good thing to look forward to watching Dr. Phil and Oprah after school EVERYDAY?? I think yes.

I seriously can't believe its October already.
Woot WOoot for the 29th!

Black Eyed Peas "Bebot" really gets me goin.

My mom taught me how to boil eggs tonight.
I called my dad earlier and asked him how,
his method didnt work..

We ate egg salad sandwiches for dinner!
I made them. They were amazing!

Rice Crispy Treats are going to be made soon...
And they will be amazing.

I'm so unsure about this weekend.
I dont even know why!
Things will always fall into place.

All I care about this week is showing my dad my grades, so I can get my lisence!! ((Michelle, I will have a car before you. No doubt!))

I love friends.
And boyfriend.
And family.

Things are just good.

And I dunno...
thats all I really had to say.

Finaly when my life is settled for ONCE....

My mom gets engaged 2 days ago.
Fuckin Shit.
No more marriages please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I'm use to working through things.
I'll be ok.

No clue about this weekend...
I dont know what I'm gonna do yet..
Isn't that how all my weekends are??
Yes. And they usualy turn out good.

Sloppy Joes with Michelle later tonight?

And my new favorite candy is Take 5.
If you haven't tried it before, YOU SHOULD!
I want everyone to try it.
Its SOOOO good.

I cant decide if I actualy want to watch Oprah tonight.
I watched the first 15 mins of it earlier, and it scared me!
I better decide fast, it started one minute ago!

I thought I would share this confusing conversation with everyone, because you will all be just as confused as I was...

EmerykaCF: who is this?
mcauliffe16: hello
mcauliffe16: this is not layne
EmerykaCF: is this maddy?
EmerykaCF: madison
mcauliffe16: yes it is
EmerykaCF: haha
EmerykaCF: im on my frends sn
EmerykaCF: this is dylan cook
EmerykaCF: lol
mcauliffe16: who what
mcauliffe16: im confused
EmerykaCF: never knew he knew ur sister
EmerykaCF: but i g2g
mcauliffe16: are you shanes friend?
EmerykaCF: yeah...
EmerykaCF: omg its dylan cook
EmerykaCF: gosh
EmerykaCF: i go to ur school
mcauliffe16: never knew she knew whos sister??
EmerykaCF: god
EmerykaCF: i never knew shane knew u and ur sister
mcauliffe16: do you know who this is?
EmerykaCF: madison
mcauliffe16: i dont have a sister
mcauliffe16: madison who?>
EmerykaCF: mcauliffe
mcauliffe16: thats my cousin
EmerykaCF: o.ok
EmerykaCF: nvm then
mcauliffe16: wow

And this...
This is just great..

mcauliffe16: hello hello (in asian accient)
takeiteasySLEAZY: no it's...
takeiteasySLEAZY: ello. ello. [bow down thing]

The heater in my house is broken,
so its really cold... BRRRRRRRR

And my dog is wearing his sweater.

Its all about the SCONES!

I have nothing left to do tonight!!
Maybe watch another movie??
Or bug my mom to take me to get ice cream!

OR to go buy some 'new' Dibs!
those were so good.
Everyone has to try them!

I love Samuals butt butt

Fuckin shit, all the music that WAS on my computer...
is now gone.

I feel like the weekend just started,
and its sunday.

This weekend I was in orcas island for my aunts wedding. It was alot of fun, and I love spending time with my dads side of the family. Suprising the weather was nice for the wedding, so i'm happy about that. me and my cousins had alot of fun adventuring around and getting kicked out of other places. no regrets. i was around ALOT of alcohol all weekend, pretty much every second. i would have killed for some. and it was free. i love being around my drunk family. especialy my uncle and my grandma. some of them, i actualy feel bad for. even though this weekend was alot of fun, i still feel like i didnt get to do alot of the things i wanted to do. this is why i feel like the weekend should just be starting. and i wish it was. i seriously cant stand school. im trying really hard this year cause i need to get my lisence and respect from my parents, but its already becoming overwhelming. i hate it. i wish it was christmas break! although.... isnt there a 4 day weekend coming up?

well i could say alot more, but i hate long entrys like this.

My mom just walked in the room,
gets about 2 inches away from my face,
and says,

"Why are you guys so difficult!??"

Uhh...
Sorry?

I dont even know what she was talking about.

I dont have alot to say.
Ever.

I like hearing what other people have to say though..
Even if theres nothing I can say back.

I wish there was something more.
I'm not even sure what I'm talking about.

I think I just need my lisence.
And a job.

Something to keep me busy on days like today.

Soccer isnt enough.

Honestly, I dont even want winter to come.

I dont want to know whats ahead.

I've learned..
I can never explain myself.
No matter what the situation is.

I have lost a friend.
A best friend at that.

You dont even realize it.

Maybe you dont even care.

All I can do is wait for you.

My head hurts.

Why is it when school starts,
things always go wrong?

.
Sunday was the best day of the weekend.
I love Sam.
I'm so lucky.

And.
Fuck.
School.

And I miss saundra, like always.

Oh and I wish I had a kitten.
A orange fluffy one.

Edit:
You say you dont want to "upset me"
But its too late.
I know you didnt mean to.
Things are always so hard.
My family will always have issues.
Things are never "ok".
Theres always something to deal with.
Why can't my dad just gdau dgudgd________.
Fuckin shit.